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Go Back   Armchair General and HistoryNet >> The Best Forums in History > Forum Resources > The Barracks > Barracks Humor

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Barracks Humor Post humor and jokes, but just keep it PG-13!

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  #61  
Old 23 Mar 14, 03:52
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Spongebob Squarepants invades Crimea:

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  #62  
Old 12 Nov 14, 10:00
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While on a military exercise in Germany we had to scramble out of our vehicles and go into an all round defence, this means that we go into a large circle on the ground with your foot touching the guy next to you covering a 360 arc of fire, unfortunately the sgt had a heavy Jamaican accent and his order was shouted out in his accented English, being the young guys we were we all jumped out and ran to a fence nearby and stood around it laughing. He did se the funny side of it. When he shouts out the it always came out as dee so we took advantage to his shouting all round dee fence


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  #63  
Old 12 Jan 15, 04:48
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  #64  
Old 19 Aug 15, 01:49
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Q. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
A. Platoon
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Credo quia absurdum.


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  #65  
Old 19 Aug 15, 01:57
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Then if you really want some...

Skippy's list...

http://skippyslist.com/list/
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Credo quia absurdum.


Quantum mechanics describes nature as absurd from the point of view of common sense. And yet it fully agrees with experiment. So I hope you can accept nature as She is - absurd! - Richard Feynman
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  #66  
Old 26 Mar 17, 20:15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewza View Post
2 marins walk in to a bar, the salor duks
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  #67  
Old 26 Mar 17, 22:44
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The US military then and now

1945 NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2016 Everyone has an internet access computer and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 We painted pictures of girls on our airplanes to remind us of home.
2016 The real thing is sitting in the cockpit (now called a "box office").

1945 Your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
2016 Your girlfriend is in the same trench with you praying your condom worked.

1945 If you got drunk off duty your buddies would haul you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
2016 If you get drunk they slap you in drug rehab and ruin your career.

1945 You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2016 You call in a million dollar PGM using a laser to kill a single enemy... maybe....

1945 Canteens were made of steel and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2016 Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they make everything taste like plastic.

1945 Officers were professional soldiers first and commanded respect.
2016 Officers are professional politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgee.

1945 They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
2016 They collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 If you didn't act right the Sergeant Major had you thrown in the stockade until you straightened up.
2016 If you don't act right they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

1945 Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2016 Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters for reorganizing the file cabinets.

1945 You slept in a barracks like a soldier
2016 You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

1945 You ate at the mess hall which was free and you could have all the food you wanted.
2016 You eat in a dining facility and every slice of bread or pat of butter is costed out and you can only take so much.

1945 We defeated powerful enemies like Germany and Japan.
2016 We come up short against enemies like Yugoslavia, Iraq and, Afghanistan.

1945 If you wanted to relax you went to the rec center played pool, smoked and, drank beer.
2016 You can go to the Community Centre have a crummy pizza, drink soda, and watch non-violent television.

1945 If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or officer's club.
2016 The beer costs $4.00, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 The base Exchange had bargains on quality merchandise for soldiers who didn't make much money.
2016 WalMart has cheaper and better merchandise.

1945 We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
2016 We are wearing the Nazi helmets.

1945 We called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we really didn't like them.
2016 We call the enemy "insurgents, aggressors" or, "the opposing force" because we don't want to hurt their feelings or offend them.

1945 Victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
2016 Victory is declared when the opposition says they are sorry.

1945 A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2016 A commander puts his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 Wars were planned by generals and lots of important victories were achieved.
2016 Wars are planned by politicians and lawyers with lots of speeches and equivocating.

1945 We were fighting for freedom and the country was committed to winning.
2016 We don't have a clue what we are fighting for and the government is committed to social programs.

1945 All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
2016 All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.

Well, some things never change.....
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  #68  
Old 29 Mar 17, 10:56
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Golani View Post
The Syrian civil war is an endless reservoir of youtube videos. Some are sad, some are great for gathering intel on potential enemies, but some are just too damn funny:
It started a few years back,you must have missed it.




Regards ,
Grishnak .
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